Negativity. Sorry.

Have you ever had the ability to just simply switch your mind off to something that you don't want to think about anymore? That you dont want to feel anymore?
How do you do it?
Especially when you know something is coming up that will just pop it back in there and create negativity all over again.
I have to go back to work tomorrow. The business is looking pretty nasty, and there is going to be a lot of stress. I am not going to have Dan, I am  also missing my other top worker who has left, and two more ready to leave. My mum, who is the sales manager, will be on annual leave. And I have already been missing her and my dad so much the past few days. Going without everyone is going to absolutely kill me.

I have not felt this fucked up in a long, long time. My mind is so scattered, my soul so restless. I am still getting hot headedness and nauseous feelings in my stomach, however they compare nothign to what I was feeling yesterday and the day before. I am improiving, yet I have still again let out more tears tonight. I am angry at Dan for not replying to my text messages. i fucking hate ignorance. I fucking hate being ignored. I fucking hate being treated like nothing, when all I would like is a goodbye message at least. Do I not get that? A closure? A thank you or anything? I get nothing?

i am so terrified that work will bring me down to nothing. I fear breaking down at work when it gets to much. I fear walking off my job as I have too much debt now and more coming up. I have rent, I have acar to pay off, fuel to put in it, food to put in my mouth, I have registration due, my electricity is coming up . . .

Everything is just too much for me right now. And I have no friends up here.
I knew today was going to be a bad day when I knocked a glass candle onto the floor of my shower and smashed it everywher.eThen I come outside and there was a cockroach, my bad omen, sitting in the middle of the floor.

Everything negative. I planend on today being a good day yesterday. I went to sleep, telling yself i would wake up today and it woudl be a better day. It has had its positive moments. But very few. They have been in my mind. I want to reach that positivity again before I go to sleep.

i dread work. So very, very much. If things get too bad, I am going to have to give up this lease in March when it runs out and go back to where I started - the town I got away from. I didnt get away for negative reasons, I got away to live my dream up here. And its been hard, but I've enjoyed the serenity of the climate and the rainforest that surrounds me.
I do find that I am now missing my friends, and missing my family. I miss my parents. I have never felt like this before. I've been up here about 6 months now and not once has any of these feelings surfaced before. I'm sick of feeling like shit.

I have all these ideas  . . look for another job (already looking) maybe go to uni and do something with your life, get a better paying job and start saving so you can travel, etc. go on couch surfing and make new friends, yet I feel guilty doing that because i feel that people shoudl just come into your life as they should, you shoudl attract th right people, not force them in as such.
What am I going to do for Australia Day?