Can people provide advice?
Would you choose travel or study?
And for either or, how did you do it on so little money?
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Negativity. Sorry.
Have you ever had the ability to just simply switch your mind off to something that you don't want to think about anymore? That you dont want to feel anymore?
How do you do it?
Especially when you know something is coming up that will just pop it back in there and create negativity all over again.
I have to go back to work tomorrow. The business is looking pretty nasty, and there is going to be a lot of stress. I am not going to have Dan, I am also missing my other top worker who has left, and two more ready to leave. My mum, who is the sales manager, will be on annual leave. And I have already been missing her and my dad so much the past few days. Going without everyone is going to absolutely kill me.
I have not felt this fucked up in a long, long time. My mind is so scattered, my soul so restless. I am still getting hot headedness and nauseous feelings in my stomach, however they compare nothign to what I was feeling yesterday and the day before. I am improiving, yet I have still again let out more tears tonight. I am angry at Dan for not replying to my text messages. i fucking hate ignorance. I fucking hate being ignored. I fucking hate being treated like nothing, when all I would like is a goodbye message at least. Do I not get that? A closure? A thank you or anything? I get nothing?
i am so terrified that work will bring me down to nothing. I fear breaking down at work when it gets to much. I fear walking off my job as I have too much debt now and more coming up. I have rent, I have acar to pay off, fuel to put in it, food to put in my mouth, I have registration due, my electricity is coming up . . .
Everything is just too much for me right now. And I have no friends up here.
I knew today was going to be a bad day when I knocked a glass candle onto the floor of my shower and smashed it everywher.eThen I come outside and there was a cockroach, my bad omen, sitting in the middle of the floor.
Everything negative. I planend on today being a good day yesterday. I went to sleep, telling yself i would wake up today and it woudl be a better day. It has had its positive moments. But very few. They have been in my mind. I want to reach that positivity again before I go to sleep.
i dread work. So very, very much. If things get too bad, I am going to have to give up this lease in March when it runs out and go back to where I started - the town I got away from. I didnt get away for negative reasons, I got away to live my dream up here. And its been hard, but I've enjoyed the serenity of the climate and the rainforest that surrounds me.
I do find that I am now missing my friends, and missing my family. I miss my parents. I have never felt like this before. I've been up here about 6 months now and not once has any of these feelings surfaced before. I'm sick of feeling like shit.
I have all these ideas . . look for another job (already looking) maybe go to uni and do something with your life, get a better paying job and start saving so you can travel, etc. go on couch surfing and make new friends, yet I feel guilty doing that because i feel that people shoudl just come into your life as they should, you shoudl attract th right people, not force them in as such.
What am I going to do for Australia Day?
How do you do it?
Especially when you know something is coming up that will just pop it back in there and create negativity all over again.
I have to go back to work tomorrow. The business is looking pretty nasty, and there is going to be a lot of stress. I am not going to have Dan, I am also missing my other top worker who has left, and two more ready to leave. My mum, who is the sales manager, will be on annual leave. And I have already been missing her and my dad so much the past few days. Going without everyone is going to absolutely kill me.
I have not felt this fucked up in a long, long time. My mind is so scattered, my soul so restless. I am still getting hot headedness and nauseous feelings in my stomach, however they compare nothign to what I was feeling yesterday and the day before. I am improiving, yet I have still again let out more tears tonight. I am angry at Dan for not replying to my text messages. i fucking hate ignorance. I fucking hate being ignored. I fucking hate being treated like nothing, when all I would like is a goodbye message at least. Do I not get that? A closure? A thank you or anything? I get nothing?
i am so terrified that work will bring me down to nothing. I fear breaking down at work when it gets to much. I fear walking off my job as I have too much debt now and more coming up. I have rent, I have acar to pay off, fuel to put in it, food to put in my mouth, I have registration due, my electricity is coming up . . .
Everything is just too much for me right now. And I have no friends up here.
I knew today was going to be a bad day when I knocked a glass candle onto the floor of my shower and smashed it everywher.eThen I come outside and there was a cockroach, my bad omen, sitting in the middle of the floor.
Everything negative. I planend on today being a good day yesterday. I went to sleep, telling yself i would wake up today and it woudl be a better day. It has had its positive moments. But very few. They have been in my mind. I want to reach that positivity again before I go to sleep.
i dread work. So very, very much. If things get too bad, I am going to have to give up this lease in March when it runs out and go back to where I started - the town I got away from. I didnt get away for negative reasons, I got away to live my dream up here. And its been hard, but I've enjoyed the serenity of the climate and the rainforest that surrounds me.
I do find that I am now missing my friends, and missing my family. I miss my parents. I have never felt like this before. I've been up here about 6 months now and not once has any of these feelings surfaced before. I'm sick of feeling like shit.
I have all these ideas . . look for another job (already looking) maybe go to uni and do something with your life, get a better paying job and start saving so you can travel, etc. go on couch surfing and make new friends, yet I feel guilty doing that because i feel that people shoudl just come into your life as they should, you shoudl attract th right people, not force them in as such.
What am I going to do for Australia Day?
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Always A Bridesmaid, Never A Bride
I found out tonight that I am going to be a bridesmaid for the third time.
And a Maid of Honour for the first. Does that still make me a bridesmaid I wonder? I am really the "only" bridesmaid/maid of honour at the wedding, as her sisters may bicker and she is a bit uncertain . . .so was thinking, just one.
I'm absolutely stoked!!! Mara and Isaac are a couple that have been together for years now, and one of those couples you look at and can just tell that they were made for each other. There is that spark between them, and they are so comfortable with each other. I balled my eyes out alone when I found out they were engaged.
I feel very awesome and somewhat powerful at having being a bridesmaid for the third time in my little life. It feels somewhat fulfilling, and loved, and a pleasure to play a prominent role in the special day of so many beautiful couples, some very close friends.
Although when I got home and tole my parents, there was a somewhat "less" enthusiastic approach to it all. Nothing negative and dreary, but just being approached with these two blank stares that kind of say
"Always a Bridesmaid, never a bride . . . "
Like it's a bad thing! Fuck!
I do think my parents, particularly my dad, expect something else of me. They expect marriage and kids, they hint it all the time. They are always asking when a good man will come along, and if they have to rely on my one straight brother, who is a drunken redneck idiot with one son to a one-night stand featuring an overweight dole-bludger with another fatherless child, to provide them with [illegitimate] grandchildren.
Get the fuck over it.
I'm only 25. I don't understand why the whole world around me, featuring school mates and even people younger than I, are all knocking themselves up and getting married, off with permanent full-time jobs for life, buying houses and living such committed lives. Some of them spent the first half of their youth wild and free to some sort of extent. But then they all turned about 20, if that, entered committed relationships, popping out kids, marriages and houses by 25 . . .
I am the real black sheep.
I consider myself too morally inclined, too "free-spirit", with too much of a hatred for boredom and routine to enter any sort of lifestyle like that anytime soon. When I did waste half of my youth (till I was 22) with a long-term relationship, I was also looking at committment and having a child around age 25.
Then I became single. Then I discovered LIFE.
And my outlook has never been the same. Perhaps, it has rather, pushed aside boundaries, and really expanded itself.
I find inspiration everywhere, and all I want to do is learn, learn, learn. I want to try numerous different jobs. I want to travel. I want to explore anything and everything the world has to offer, really.
I haven't time to be held down in a relationship. To have to drag along someone who does not want to be there, or have someone drag me to a position I am uncomfortable with. I experienced that enough already, and what ar regret that was.
Learn from the lessons. Duh.
Of course, there is always a chance that someone will pop up who is right for me, who I can drag everywhere, and have him drag me somewhere, and we can both be on the same plane of existence, wanting to experience the same things. That would be magical.
But I'm not going to sit back and wait for it to happen.
How the fuck can people turn to me and ask when I am going to find a man, when am I going to pop out kids?
Look around. The right ones/one aren't exactly flying at me.
Common sense prevails, why the fuck would I place myself in the hands of someone who is not right for me.
There is a reason I've been single for almost 4 years now.
Cunts deal with it.
I do also adore how this last image, an old school ad from I think the 40's, relates "Always a Bridesmaid, Never A Bride" to having bad breath.
Hilarious!
Why on earth does this idiom have to have such a negative connotation?! No way! I'm proud as pie!
And a Maid of Honour for the first. Does that still make me a bridesmaid I wonder? I am really the "only" bridesmaid/maid of honour at the wedding, as her sisters may bicker and she is a bit uncertain . . .so was thinking, just one.
I'm absolutely stoked!!! Mara and Isaac are a couple that have been together for years now, and one of those couples you look at and can just tell that they were made for each other. There is that spark between them, and they are so comfortable with each other. I balled my eyes out alone when I found out they were engaged.
I feel very awesome and somewhat powerful at having being a bridesmaid for the third time in my little life. It feels somewhat fulfilling, and loved, and a pleasure to play a prominent role in the special day of so many beautiful couples, some very close friends.
Although when I got home and tole my parents, there was a somewhat "less" enthusiastic approach to it all. Nothing negative and dreary, but just being approached with these two blank stares that kind of say
"Always a Bridesmaid, never a bride . . . "
Like it's a bad thing! Fuck!
I do think my parents, particularly my dad, expect something else of me. They expect marriage and kids, they hint it all the time. They are always asking when a good man will come along, and if they have to rely on my one straight brother, who is a drunken redneck idiot with one son to a one-night stand featuring an overweight dole-bludger with another fatherless child, to provide them with [illegitimate] grandchildren.
Get the fuck over it.
I'm only 25. I don't understand why the whole world around me, featuring school mates and even people younger than I, are all knocking themselves up and getting married, off with permanent full-time jobs for life, buying houses and living such committed lives. Some of them spent the first half of their youth wild and free to some sort of extent. But then they all turned about 20, if that, entered committed relationships, popping out kids, marriages and houses by 25 . . .
I am the real black sheep.
I consider myself too morally inclined, too "free-spirit", with too much of a hatred for boredom and routine to enter any sort of lifestyle like that anytime soon. When I did waste half of my youth (till I was 22) with a long-term relationship, I was also looking at committment and having a child around age 25.
Then I became single. Then I discovered LIFE.
And my outlook has never been the same. Perhaps, it has rather, pushed aside boundaries, and really expanded itself.
I find inspiration everywhere, and all I want to do is learn, learn, learn. I want to try numerous different jobs. I want to travel. I want to explore anything and everything the world has to offer, really.
I haven't time to be held down in a relationship. To have to drag along someone who does not want to be there, or have someone drag me to a position I am uncomfortable with. I experienced that enough already, and what ar regret that was.
Learn from the lessons. Duh.
Of course, there is always a chance that someone will pop up who is right for me, who I can drag everywhere, and have him drag me somewhere, and we can both be on the same plane of existence, wanting to experience the same things. That would be magical.
But I'm not going to sit back and wait for it to happen.
How the fuck can people turn to me and ask when I am going to find a man, when am I going to pop out kids?
Look around. The right ones/one aren't exactly flying at me.
Common sense prevails, why the fuck would I place myself in the hands of someone who is not right for me.
There is a reason I've been single for almost 4 years now.
Cunts deal with it.
I do also adore how this last image, an old school ad from I think the 40's, relates "Always a Bridesmaid, Never A Bride" to having bad breath.
Hilarious!
Why on earth does this idiom have to have such a negative connotation?! No way! I'm proud as pie!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Wax Crayons - A Love Afffair
We have a little art-based cafe, very groovy, in the heart of our, erm, very small city. It has helped boost the art scene in this town a lot.
One day when in there I noticed this spectacular piece on their wall, featuring simply a canvas with a whole packet of crayons lined up on one side, and someone had gotten a heat gun or hair dryer and melted the cryaon wax so it ran down the canvas. It was presented on it's side so it looked as though the rainbow wax was melting sideways. So effective. The guy that ran the place had done it and was selling it for $90. This was his third piece. The other two sold almost instantly!!
I adored it. But never bothered much with the idea, and don't like the idea much of stealing something like that that seems so unique, and using it for m own benefit.
But then recently, I came across this same idea online . . .
EVERYWHERE.
It is also very popular for children's art!! Of course, it is easy and colourful enough for kids!!
I was a bit amazed, and kind of chuckled, sitting there thinking how silly of me to not touch that idea when half the world knows about it.
Except the people of this town, obviously.
There are some very effective pieces out there. I have my own idea in my head, and I have purchased some cheap crayons and a canvas and will get round to it soon enough . . .
(This is one of my personal favourites, definitely!)
Please note that none of these images are mine . . . I don't always remember to get the websites, so I just don't bother, but mind you, most of these images came from looking through Google images . . .
This site is all about the joy of the wax crayon!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Black, White and Colour
Black and White photography juxtaposed with hints of colour. I adore this selection, some of the best kinds of this photography yet.
You know how some photography just seems to lack that spark, that talent?
This does not.
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